If I had to pick one skill or way of being in a person’s development, I would pick self-awareness. There are many ways to recognise a self-aware person, among them their humility, vulnerability and courage. Such a person is able to navigate themselves, others and the world with intention and accountability, and is often better equipped to adapt to uncertainty and change.
There are two other attributes that are necessary for self-awareness that don’t always get talked about: your ability to laugh at yourself, and your ability to be self-compassionate.
If you engage in an inquiry into yourself to become self-aware, you might encounter parts of yourself you don’t like in others. Or you become aware of your human frailties but are not always able to change them. Or you realise that your actions have hurt someone else or have had some unintended consequence.
Or you just find out how human you are, with all the fallibilities and vulnerabilities that every other person has.
The practice of laughing at yourself is a serious matter. But it is not heavy. It is a practice of lightness. It is not based on sarcasm or self-deprecation, but comes from the joy of discovering how human you are. Irony is ok, especially when you notice that how you intended to be and how you ended up being was at odds with each other. Another place for self discovery is comedy, when you recognise yourself in the joke. Laughing at yourself brings joy into the hard work of changing your deep-rooted patterns that no longer serve you. It stops you from taking yourself too seriously, and allows you to treat the serious matter of self-development with a twinkle in your eye and love in your heart.
What is better than laughing at yourself? Laughing at yourself with others you trust. You, this deeply flawed human being, are worthy of love and of being seen. Cultivating community that allows you to be yourself even while you are a work in progress makes this journey less lonely.
And a work in progress makes mistakes. It is the only way to learn. When that happens, it is easy to listen to the self-critical voices in our heads, or to internalise the critical voices of others. All of us have had days when we feel like a hot mess. Those are the days to love ourselves. To be self-compassionate. To remember that we are not perfect. That self-awareness is not a tool for flagellating ourselves for our flaws, bends and twists. It is only a tool for knowing ourselves, for attending with kindness and discipline to the parts of ourselves that can change, and for loving the parts of ourselves that will remain as they are.
Self-awareness is not a practice of perfection. But a practice of accountability, intention and courage.
And laughing at ourselves and loving ourselves is a fundamental part of the practice.
Image Source: https://www.pexels.com/photo/photo-of-woman-looking-at-the-mirror-774866/
